Avoid the forced simile: "the great wall of China is like an endless dragon snaking its way from Beijing to Badaling". (Eden) Is it a dragon or a snake? And if it goes from Beijing to Badaling, it’s not endless. To be endless, the GW of C would have to form a circle. The Chandlerian (or Charlie Brookerian) unexpected simile is a dangerous tool in the wrong hands.
all over the place like a mad woman’s knitting
as tangled as a spaghetti cardigan (PG Wodehouse)
As uneasy as a cat near water
At times it verges on the tacky, like a futuristic air-freshener advertisement with the colour contrast turned up to the max. Wendy Ide reviews Avatar, Times December 09
black as the Earl of Hell’s knickers (The Rev. Tony Wheeler)
brighter than a thousand suns (the first nuclear explosion)
Dinosaurs – they were as dumb as posts. (Wild TV)
Fit to make a weasel scream (The Rev. Tony Wheeler)
Flash as a rat with a gold tooth
French TV presenters look like aliens after too much plastic surgery. Daily Mail
He didn’t look like a cat in a roomful of sofas.
He writhed like a salted snail. (Nancy Banks Smith)
Hotter than the hinges of Hell
I once bought some spelt scones that tasted like the pillars of the M62 link road near Prestwich (Polly Mortimer)
like a door slamming in Hell (the first nuclear explosion)
like a llama surprised in the bath (Churchill on de Gaulle)
like being stoned to death with popcorn (Jim Bergerac on New Age drivel, in an episode written by Robert Banks Stewart)
like being shot to death with popcorn. (Nancy Banks Smith on royal soap The Palace. Banks Smith? Banks Stewart? Could there possibly be a link?)
like a deer in the headlights
like being trapped in a Past Times catalogue Guardian May 7, 2004
Listening to Julie Andrews was like being hit over the head with a greetings card.
Sue sounded like some feminist with a stick up her butt throughout the whole episode (of the anime Fantastic Four)
Strong, scalding coffee made in a machine resembling a carburettor from the Titanic’s engine room... @politicsworld
The Rosicrucians "are about as secret as margarine". Fortean Times, May 09
The streetcars "sounded like someone sawing in half a knight in full armour". (Florence King)
The tuba ensemble “sounded like a pas de deux for cement mixers”. straightdope.com
The motorway traffic screamed like a knife across the throat. (Nancy Banks Smith)
Lackadaisical or supernumerary person was as much use as:
a barbed wire garter
a chocolate teapot
a fifth wheel
a horse in a boat
a mink-lined bathtub
Futile or impossible activity was like:
bringing sand to the beach
fighting with a wet sheet
herding cats
knitting with fog
making ropes of sand
nailing jelly to the ceiling
plaiting soap
tightening the screws/rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic
trying to catch a falling knife
trying to eat candy floss in a wind tunnel
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Similes
