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Highest form of flattery
If you want to look like an amateur writer, sprinkle your prose with the words “excuse the pun!” Make sure to add it to everything that isn’t a pun.
I don’t know why people think they should apologise for puns. And I don’t know what these people think puns are – they seem to shove in an apology after every metaphor or cliché (I'd accept an apology for those as long as you go and sin no more).
Here’s a definition of a pun (paronomasia) from encyclopedia.com:
use of words, usually humorous, based on (a) the several meanings of one word, (b) a similarity of meaning between words that are pronounced the same, or (c) the difference in meanings between two words pronounced the same and spelled somewhat similarly, e.g., Thomas Hood's “They went and told the sexton and the sexton tolled the bell.” Puns have also been used seriously, as in the Bible, Mat. 16.18: “Thou art Peter [Gr. Petros], and upon this rock [Gr. petra] I will build my church.”
Genuine puns
These are from Christmas crackers:
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Why did the lobster blush? Because it saw the Queen Mary’s bottom/the salad dressing.
Why did the bullrush? Because he saw the cowslip.
And these are more recent:
The malady lingers on.
One man's meat is another man's poisson.
We pine for wooden houses.
That was Zen, this is Tao.
“Slow shore exit as Hurricane Isabel flies in” Guardian headline, September 18, 2003
If that's the call of the wild, I think I'm just going to let it ring. (Incredible Hulk)
Rare flower found on site is a plant, says developer (Guardian headline July 11, 2006)
And here are some atrocious “excuse the puns”
“I was going to call the essay ‘Less than a Plum of an OZ Book’, but dislike using puns.” letter to Fortean Times Aug 03 from Joseph E Barnes, Brooklyn, NY (Not a pun, unless it's a book about fruit.)
“Here are the links I dug up (if you'll pardon the pun)” FT message board from Dark Detective (talking about locating graves). (That’s a too-appropriate metaphor.)
“Would we have Einstein rammed down our throats for an hour or would there be mention of time slips and Dr Who? Excuse the pun, but only time would tell.” FT, Gordon Rutter, Aug 03 (For an Einstein/Dr Who/time travel pun surely you’d have to bring in Sutton Hoo, wild thyme etc)
In Support of Suspenders (You Should Excuse The Pun) Now that suspenders are all the rage among women, I'd like to say a few things in support, excuse the pun, of suspenders for men. (feeble pun)
Wristies are taking the world by storm (excuse the pun) with people wearing Wristies for all sorts of reasons. Mostly people like them because they just help them keep warmer. (Inappropriate cliché, not a pun. It's hard to imagine an army of belligerent wrist-warmers storming the castle battlements.)
Our wholesale tea selection keeps growing (excuse the pun). (not a pun)
We were hard pressed (excuse the pun) to find hot cider.... The sun was dancing on the [wheat] fields. It sounds corny (excuse the pun again) but it really does take one's breath away. (feeble puns)
Does anyone know *for sure* what language Scriabin wrote his text for the Prefatory Act in? I think that Russian would probably be the more logical choice, since he would have been able to communicate more fluently in that language and express difficult concepts more comprehensively, not to mention poetically. But, knowing his fondness for the poetic quality of (his poor) French, he may have used that too. Or perhaps certain passages were tried out in both languages? Certainly his Symbolist poet friends who helped him with the poem would have been fluent in both languages. So, does anyone have some insight into this mystery (excuse the pun)? (It's a genuine mystery why the writer thinks this is a pun.)
After the eclipse everyone was on cloud nine (excuse the pun). Suddenly everyone was best friends and no one could shut up. It was good to see such an electric atmosphere (excuse the pun). I am not a very experienced photographer and was stressing all the way home on the coach that the photos wouldn’t turn out. I was over the moon (excuse the pun) to see that they did turn out. (no puns)
Mad Scientist: For once, I wanted to be the star!
Spidey: *CLICHED PUN WARNING - DANGER DANGER* Well, that's show biz! (Web – not a pun but a cliche)
A lot of them run around like headless chickens (excuse the pun... ^_^ ). (blog) (That's a clichéd simile, not a pun.)
Do they, if you’ll overlook the beastly pun, give a monkey’s about a spot of engraving and some fancy ribbon? Guardian July 14, 2006 on Victoria Cross for animals (Beastly is a pun, but “give a monkey’s” is just a vaguely related figure of speech.)
The King of Comedy is a pun, because the King is about to lose his crown. Amazon review (I think the writer meant "misnomer".)
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Excuse the pun!
